urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lilybeth0529lilybeth0529lilybeth0529lilybeth05292006-06-02T00:06:33Zurn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lilybeth0529:2573Chapter 182038-01-19T03:14:07Z2006-06-02T00:06:33ZThe entry speaks for itself: Cracks & Foundations, Chapter 18<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br />Disclaimer: They own me; I don't own them.<br /><br />Chapter 18<br /><br />*************<br /><br />“Reservation for two. Shepherd.” <br /><br />As the Shepherds waited for the hostess to seat them, they stood close together. <br /><br />Addison was wearing the sexy little black dress her husband had packed, strappy sandals, and a shawl to ward off the cool night air. The dress was short -- not so short as to be risque, but short enough to show off her long legs to their full advantage. Her hair was loose and curling, and the smile on her face made Derek’s insides twist. In the best possible way.<br /><br />Derek could not help but observe how beautiful his wife was. Looking at her legs made him flash back to the very first time he saw her in a dress, at the welcome party for the new batch of med school students. She was wearing another classic little black dress that showed off her legs to advantage that night 16 years ago. Time had only made Addison more beautiful to him. <br /><br />He kept her hand firmly clasped in his and his body as close as possible, so no others might get the idea that she was available. He realized that it was a bit silly to worry about that given everything they had survived. <br /><br />He knew Addie had no intention of making the same mistake twice, yet he could not help be glad for the rings on her left hand that signaled to all potential wolves that Addison was his. Not that he was ever going to give her reason again to feel neglected and go looking for affection elsewhere. <br /><br />Addie leaned in even closer to him and whispered, “You smell good.”<br /><br />“Not too girlie?”<br /><br />“Definintely not too girlie. . . . Sexy. . . . It makes me want to take you back to the B&B and well,” Addie dropped her voice even further, to a throaty growl that Derek had to strain to hear but the tone of which sent sparks of desire up his spine even before he heard her words. “see if you taste as good as you smell.”<br /><br />“Didn’t we just test that theory while we were drying off?”<br /><br />“There can never be too many tests of this particular theory. After all, we wouldn’t want to be less than scientific in our experiments. It might ruin our reputations, Dr. Shepherd. . . . Perhaps I’ll just have to perform another experiment for dessert. Nothing like a little almond-vanilla Derek to make my mouth water.” <br /><br />Derek’s stomach twisted again with anticipation as he leaned in for a quick kiss. When Addie tried to deepen it, he pulled away. If he had let her, he might have been tempted to rip off that little black dress and show her how much he desired her right there in public.<br /><br />They were dining in an old lighthouse that had been converted into a four-star restaurant. Bailey had assured Derek that, like the B&B, the Old Lighthouse – as it was actually called – was full of romantic ambiance and excellent food. Nevertheless, Derek didn’t think the staff or the other patrons would appreciate him making love to his wife in the entryway.<br /><br />The hostess came back and led them to a cozy table for two with an excellent view, where they ordered a bottle of wine and listened to the specials. <br /><br />As Derek watched Addie peruse the menu, he tried to remember the last time they’d been out for a romantic dinner like this one. And he realized again that it had been way too long. <br /><br />Like Celia Booker’s husband, he’d simply forgotten what was important in life. Thankfully Celia and Jack had both reminded him.<br /><br />When their waittress left with their orders in hand, Addie smiled nervously at Derek, and then worried her lip.<br /><br />“What are you thinking about?” Derek asked, taking her hand in his both to reassure her and just because he liked to. <br /><br />“Can I ask you a question? Or maybe I should wait until our next ‘discussion’? . . . I don’t want to ruin tonight.”<br /><br />“Why don’t you ask, and then we can decide if we want to talk about it now or later?”<br /><br />“OK. Why now?”<br /><br />“Why now what?” <br /><br />“What happened in Denver that made you suddenly plan all of this stuff? Because I feel like there had to be some trigger and I don’t know. . . . ”<br /><br />Derek smiled wryly. <br /><br />“We can definitely talk about this now. . . . What happened in Denver was that I saw my brother.”<br /><br />“Huh?” <br /><br />Addie had known that Jack was going to be at the neurosurgery conference as well; after all, neurosurgery was practically a genetic commandment for a Shepherd male. And Jack and Derek liked to use conferences as time to catch-up, guy time. Often they’d add on a few days for a “guy trip” to get some quality twin time. But she didn’t get what Jack had to do with this. <br /><br />“Jack made you decide to be romantic? Because, no offense, but something about that seems more than a little bit weird.”<br /><br />“No, Jack reminded me that I wanted to remain married to you. Because I didn’t want to be him. . . . And then he told me that since I wanted to remain married to you, I should remove my head from my ass and act like a husband you might want to keep around.”<br /><br />“I’m not exactly following. Why wouldn’t you want to be Jack?”<br /><br />“Sarah left him. She decided she had enough of being married to an absentee husband, she fell for someone else, and she just packed her bags and left.”<br /><br />“That’s terrible. They’ve only been married less than two years. Is Jack OK?”<br /><br />“He’s doing as well as can be expected. Apparently he came home from the hospital one day and she’d already packed her bags; he offered to work at it, go to counseling, spend less time at the hospital. She wasn’t interested. She’d already moved on. She didn’t fight at all.”<br /><br />“Jack’s doing OK, but not great, just OK. . . . I think he realized that they never really knew each other. Sarah saw him as this perfect savior who had fixed her back, helped her walk again. And he said her as an angel. They never learned enough about each other to really have anything real, to have a marriage, to have anything worth fighting for. Now I think he doesn’t really know what he wants.”<br /><br />“And talking to him, he pointed out to me that we were the opposite of him and Sarah. . . . We’ve known each other for so long, seen each other through really tough times both personally and professionally. We may not be perfect, either together or apart, but we both know that, we both know each other’s flaws, and we love each other anyway.”<br /><br />“Most of all, he reminded me that you were here fighting for me, even though – as Jack put it – you’ve had to put up with me at my worst.”<br /><br />Addison smiled, a real smile, the kind that made Derek’s heart beat faster. <br /><br />“Your worst, huh? I wonder what Jack thinks that is.”<br /><br />“He’s right, Addie. You have had to put up with me at my worst, especially when you first came to Seattle. I am sorry for that. I’m not sure I would go back and change it, because I think I needed to know that you would, that you wouldn’t just give up, that I was worth it to you, even when I was being mean and sarcastic and worse.”<br /><br />“Were you mean and sarcastic? I didn’t notice,” Addie kidded.<br /><br />Just then, the waittress arrived with their meals. <br /><br />Over dinner, they let the conversation drift. Derek shared with Addison the family gossip that Jack had shared with him, particularly the juicy rumor that his youngest sister was finally giving up on escaping the family legacy. She was taking the MCAT but keeping it a secret from the family. Then there was the even juicier rumor that the oldest of his three sisters, Charlotte, was pregnant again, with her fourth child.<br /><br />They ate and they shared easy conversation, company and comraderie. For dessert – at least the first, actually edible round – they shared a chocolate mousse that was quite simply the best thing either of them had ever eaten. <br /><br />When they finished, Derek suggested that they go out on the balcony of the lighthouse, and see the view through the flashes of the still working light. While a functioning restaurant – and admittedly tourist trap as well – the owners also kept the light going, both for ambience and for sailers. <br /><br />Outside it was chilly, and Derek wrapped his arms around Addie, with her leaning back against his chest, as they looked at the gorgeous view. <br /><br />In between the flashes of light, they could see the stars in the sky, and in the flashes themselves, they could see the coastline and the ocean. In this romantic setting, Derek thought about how good it was to have her back in his arms and back in his life. He realized that despite his angst earlier in the day, he had already decided who and what he wanted for the rest of his life.<br /><br />When he pulled away, Addison turned to see what he was up to. <br /><br />Derek looked her in the eyes, and raised one hand to touch her cheek and then tuck her flying curls behind her ear. <br /><br />“I have something I want to say.”<br /><br />“OK.” Something in Derek’s tone made Addison’s stomach churn with nerves, although she couldn’t put her finger on it. After the past few couple days, she had no reason to be nervous and yet she couldn’t help it.<br /><br />“I love you, Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd. The day that you walked down the aisle of that church and married me is the best day of my life. And . . . I guess, I’m sort of looking at this trip like a second wedding, a chance to reaffirm our commitment to each other.”<br /><br />As Derek talked, Addison started to cry, the tears running silently down her cheeks and once again Derek brought his hand to her face to wipe them away.<br /><br />“Having survived all of the turmoil of the past months, I think this is the right spot and the right time. . . . I want you to know that I do love you and that I promise to love you, to cherish you for all the days of our lives. I promise to share your troubles and sorrows, and your joys and hopes and dreams, and to share mine with you. I promise to be your confidante, your partner in life, your best friend and your lover for now and for always.” <br /><br />The words echoed to Addison. She knew them. She remembered hearing them before as if their wedding had been just yesterday instead of almost 12 years earlier. <br /><br />“I love you, too, Derek.” Addison took a deep breath before repeating her own vows from so long ago, the tears still streaming down her cheeks as they had when she married him the first time. “I promise to love you and to cherish you for all the day of our lives. I promise to share your troubles and your sorrows, and your hopes, dreams and joys, and to share mine with you. I promise you a life together, to be your confidante, your partner in life, your best friend and your lover, for now and for always.”<br /><br />Derek leaned in and kissed her, a kiss of commitment, of affirmance. And he took her left hand in his, rubbing her wedding ring with his thumb. And then with his other hand, he produced a small box from his pocket.<br /><br />“If this were our first wedding, we’d exchange rings now. You still have yours; you’re still wearing it. . . . But I thought maybe this would be a good time to restore mine to where it belongs.” <br /><br />Addie smiled and kissed him again before she took the box and opened it to reveal Derek’s wedding ring. And she slipped it on his finger, where it belonged, and she brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it as if to seal the deal.<br /><br />Then, she grinned mischieviously, making Derek’s toes curl.<br /><br />“You may kiss the bride,” she pronounced. <br /><br />And he did.