urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lilybeth0529 lilybeth0529 lilybeth0529 2038-01-19T03:14:07Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:lilybeth0529:4506 2038-01-19T03:14:07Z 2038-01-19T03:14:07Z I needed a break from the two crazy multi-chapter fics, so yesterday I focused on this one shot that's been kicking around my brain since the finale. <br /><br />It's an AU, and for those who don't know me, it's Addek. As always, Shonda hasn't signed over the rights to the characters, and feedback is more than welcome. Hope you're all having a good weekend.<br /><br /><a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br />A Date for the Prom<br /><br />By Lilybeth<br /><br />“You’re too honorable of a man to run,” the Chief had said.<br /><br />Derek had wondered where exactly the Chief had been, who the Derek Shepherd was that Richard Webber saw. <br /><br />He had only accepted the job at Seattle Grace because he was running. Physically, emotionally, metaphorically. <br /><br />He had been doing so long before he walked on Addie and Mark. Indeed, his running was probably why he walked in on Addie and Mark.<br /><br />His running had caused damage. <br /><br />Addison.<br /><br />His wife.<br /><br />The strongest, most amazing woman he knew.<br /><br />She had broken down in front of the whole hospital, accusing him of not caring about her, of not loving her. Of only being jealous of Meredith and the vet. She had embarrassed herself because of him.<br /><br />Later, she repeated the accusation, after losing it in front of a patient. “It’s like you, Derek. Like how you pretend to love me but really you’re just using me to fill some need you have to be a good guy.”<br /><br />Meredith.<br /><br />The other woman. The one who worshipped him.<br /><br />The one who had helped him heal, though she didn’t know that was what she was doing. He had felt a connection with her. They were both damaged souls.<br /><br />She had helped him, but he had hurt her, too. He had chosen Addison. <br /><br />They had tried to be friends, but he had used the friendship to try to hold on to Meredith. To his band-aid. His anesthetic.<br /><br />The Chief had called him honorable. Had said he wouldn’t run. It was time to prove the Chief right. <br /><br />It was time for Derek to be a man. To stop running. To face his fears. His emotions. His problems. <br /><br />To rip the stitches.<br /><br />To make a choice.<br /><br />First, he operated on Preston Burke. <br /><br />Then, when his damaged wife came looking for him, he had reassured her. “We’re trying,”<br /><br />Then, he had floored her.<br /><br />“Addison, will you go to the Prom with me?”<br /><br />She had smiled, but the look on her face. . . . She was afraid to believe. Afraid to trust in him – no, in them.<br /><br />It was time to be a man. Time to stop running. Time to make a real choice.<br /><br />So he put on his tux. He made preparations. Now, he waited. <br /><br />As he waited, Finn came up to him, wondering if he had seen Meredith. Derek informed him that he didn’t think she had arrived yet, and then he saw her. He pointed her out to Finn and the vet left with the eagerness of a newly-smitten man.<br /><br />Derek watched them greet each other. He admitted that he felt a twinge of jealousy, as he had when he first found them together. <br /><br />Addison was right that it was nothing like when he found his wife and his best friend exchanging illicit intimacies. He might get angry, he might get jealous. He didn’t feel his heart and soul shatter in a million pieces. He didn’t have to run.<br /><br />He was still watching them when a vision in red appeared, as if out of nowhere.<br /><br />He looked at her, her hair pulled back, her dress accentuating all her attributes, babbling as she had an endearing tendency to do when she was nervous.<br /><br />“This whole thing brings back very traumatic memories of being a band geek, with braces and a lisp, spending the whole evening with Skippy Gold talking about Star Wars. . . . So, do you want to dance?”<br /><br />“Addison,” he smiled. “I would love to. But first, I have something for you.” <br /><br />“For me?” Derek wanted to kiss the puzzled look off her face.<br /><br />“For you,” he reached down and picked up from the table the corsage of red roses that he had bought her. “It’s bad manners, my mama taught me, not to bring your date a corsage.”<br /><br />Addison smiled, and Derek’s heart skipped a beat as he slid the circlet of flowers on her wrist.<br /><br />“It matches my dress,” she observed.<br /><br />Derek leaned in and captured her lips with his own. As he pulled away, he brushed his lips by her ear and whispered, “And I promise not to talk about Star Wars. Or fishing.”<br /><br />They joined the other couples on the dance floor.<br /><br />As they danced, Derek realized that all his careful planning was not enough. For Meredith was watching him. As he looked back at her, she stared at him and Addie and then suddenly stopped dancing and left, leaving Finn behind on the dance floor. <br /><br />He realized that there was more thing he needed to do. He pulled away from Addison and looked her in her beautiful green eyes. He leaned in and kissed her, and then pulled away again.<br /><br />“There’s something I have to take care of,” he said.<br /><br />“What?”<br /><br />“I need to go talk to Meredith.”<br /><br />Her confusion – and even more importantly her fear -- was evident. He leaned in and kissed her again.<br /><br />“You were right. Meredith and I had a fight. And I need to make it right. But, it’s not going to change anything, Addison. I’m committed to you. I just need to go talk to her, so we can enjoy the rest of our night.”<br /><br />Addison nodded, and Derek’s heart literally ached as he realized that even this was hurting Addison more. But it had to be done. It was better for them all in the long run. <br /><br />So he squeezed her hand and kissed her once more, and went to follow Meredith out of the room. He could feel Addison watching him, and he knew that she was still afraid – afraid that he loved Meredith, that he was choosing Meredith. <br /><br />He caught up to Meredith in an exam room down the hall. <br /><br />“What are you doing?” she hissed. “Why are you following me?”<br /><br />“I came to apologize,” he stood his ground. “And I wanted to tell you that I hope that you and Finn are happy together. He seems like . . . a great guy, like he’d be good for you.”<br /><br />Meredith stared at him, as if she was considering peeling back his face to look and see if indeed he had a brain. He couldn’t blame her. Derek doubted it some days himself.<br /><br />“Your wife asked me if we were sleeping together. . . . She said she felt like we were having a lovers’ quarrel.”<br /><br />Derek nodded, was silent for a moment.<br /><br />“Thanks for telling me,” he said, realizing even more so how coming after Meredith must have unnerved Addison. “We . . . I’m sorry, Meredith. I don’t think we can be friends. Not like we were trying to be. I cared about you and I still do and I wish you the best, but we never had that time.”<br /><br />“What time?” <br /><br />“Usually when people try to become friends with their exes, they first go through the normal break-up thing of hating each other, wanting to maim each other, etc. Then, only later, can they really become friends. We didn’t break up because of us. We broke up became of us, I mean, Addison and I, that us. So I think we both had a harder time letting go. I never hated you. I never really get go.”<br /><br />“I’m not sure why you didn’t,” Derek admitted. “Because you deserve to hate me – for lying to you and leading you on. But we didn’t break up right. I guess – I guess I was trying to hang onto both relationships. And that isn’t working. It’s not fair to Addison, and it’s not fair to you, because I think it is keeping you from moving on. I think subliminally that’s what I wanted. But if we’re all going to be happy, I need to focus. I need to focus on Addison. My marriage deserves to have my full attention. Addison deserves that. And you deserve someone who will make you his whole focus. I could never do that. Even when you didn't know it, Addison was always there. With me.”<br /><br />“So it’s over?” Meredith said.<br /><br />“It is. I’m sorry. And I really do mean it when I say that I hope you find all of the happiness you deserve.”<br /><br />“Thanks.” <br /><br />He could feel Meredith watching him, not sure what to make of his speech, but there was nothing else he could do. He hoped that they really could just let go, be professional at work and avoid each other otherwise. And, maybe, one day down the line, they could become friends again. <br /><br />But not now.<br /><br />He returned to the Prom and found Addison in a conversation with Miranda Bailey. He came up behind her and put his arm around her waist and pulled her back against him. She jumped a little, and he smiled and kissed her cheek. “How’s the most beautiful woman in the room?”<br /><br />Bailey smiled at him, a genuine grin, and Addison asked, “Who are you talking about?”<br /><br />“I am talking about my wife. I was wondering if we could finish that dance now.”<br /><br />“Sure.” <br /><br />They excused themselves from Bailey, who motioned them to the dance floor. Addie let him escort her. As they started to dance, he watched her worry her bottom lip for a few seconds and he leaned in and kissed her. <br /><br />“Don’t worry. Everything’s fine.”<br /><br />“Everything?” A tone of disbelief was evident.<br /><br />“Well, everything might be a slight exaggeration. I’m still worried about Burke’s hand, and there’s the Chief’s niece, but you and I, Dr. Shepherd, we’re fine.”<br /><br />“We are?” Derek could hear the questioning tone and his heart twisted painfully when he realized again how he had put it there.<br /><br />“We are. I apologized to Meredith for being a bit of an ass to her lately, and I told her that I hope she and Finn are happy together. We decided that we’re not really going to try to be friends anymore.”<br /><br />“You’re not?”<br /><br />“No. Because it’s not fair.” Addison looked confused again, and Derek swung her around and dipped her, and when she came back up he kissed her before continuing. “It’s not fair to you, and I love you.”<br /><br />“You do?” The tears came to her eyes, and Derek realized that this was actually the first time he had said it since she came to Seattle. She had said it many times, but he never had.<br /><br />“I do. I love you, Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, and you and our marriage deserve all of my attention. I know I haven’t been so good at that, but I promise we are going to fix it together.”<br /><br />This time, Addison leaned in and initiated the kiss. “I love you, too, Derek Alexander Shepherd.” <br /><br />They continued dancing for another song in companionable silence, and then Derek leaned forward to whisper in his wife’s ear. “Y’know, Addie, my parents always told me that we shouldn’t drink at dances and then drive, so I got us a hotel room.”<br /><br />“Did you think you were going to get lucky? Y’know, Derek, not every girl loses her virginity at the Prom. Some of us have more self-respect than that.”<br /><br />His lips claimed hers, his tongue parting her lips and dipping inside to taste that essence that was Addison. When they finally parted to breathe, they heard Bailey’s voice. “Get a room and spare the rest of us.”<br /><br />Derek laughed. “We did.”<br /><br />He took Addie’s hand in his and led her to the Hotel, just a couple blocks from Seattle Grace. They were silent as they walked, and Derek enjoyed just putting his arm around his wife and feeling their togetherness. It was the first time in a long, long time that he had taken the time to enjoy just the experience of being with Addison. <br /><br />When they arrived at the hotel, he checked them into their suite. “Your luggage has already been taken to your suite,” the clerk at the desk assured him, making Addison look at him curiously. <br /><br />“I thought you might want a few of your things, and I knew we would be walking from the Prom, so I dropped it off earlier.”<br /><br />She smiled at the thoughtfulness of the gesture. And when they entered the room, they were both drawn to the floor-to-ceiling windows showing off an amazing view of the city. <br /><br />Derek’s arms circled his wife once again. “The city is beautiful,” he said, “but not as beautiful as you.”<br /><br />Addison playfully slapped at him. “That’s pretty cheesy.” <br /><br />“I am a cheesy kind of guy. A cheesy guy who loves his wife. I should also point out that I’m the guy who booked the suite with the fantastic supersized bathtub.” <br /><br />Addison smiled seductively. “Do I have to share it?”<br /><br />Twenty-five minutes later, Derek found himself floating lying in that very same tub with his very beautiful, very naked wife. He was a content man. Things weren’t perfect; they still had work to do. But they were better than they had been in a long, long time. The icing on the cake was that he had six-feet of gorgeous redheaded woman with endless legs sharing his tub.<br /><br />He was drawn away from his musings about his wife’s physical attributes by her voice. <br /><br />“Derek, what made you decide you could no longer be friends with Meredith?”<br /><br />Derek was silent for a minute. <br /><br />“Whatever it is, you can tell me. I promise. I just – I have to know. . . . I deserve to know.”<br /><br />Derek recalled what Meredith had said and he decided to start there.<br /><br />“I know you asked Mere if we were sleeping together again, and the answer to that question is unequivocally no, Addie. I promise. After you came to Seattle, that part of our relationship was over.”<br /><br />Addison thought about it. She had had her suspicions, because they were both acting so . . . strained. They had both denied it, and she was going to take it on faith. Faith was a lot easier at this moment, with Derek's arms around her lending her strength and her memory of his recent declaration of love.<br /><br />"OK," she signaled her belief. "Go on."<br /><br />“But I guess, we weren’t really emotionally done. We hadn’t broken up on our own, and while we were apart Meredith was my way of dealing – or maybe better put not dealing – with all of my emotions about you and Mark and New York and everything. And so I didn’t really let her go, because to do so would have meant that I let you back in. And I was terrified, Addie. I was terrified to let you in. So I hung onto Meredith – as a kind of emotional shield.”<br /><br />“But I’ve realized that that wasn’t fair to you, and it wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t even fair to me. Because I need to put my energy, all of my energy into us, into you and me and our marriage. And Meredith needs to move on.”<br /><br />“I guess while I couldn’t do that at first because I was scared to let you back in, and I didn’t even see that that was what I was doing, I know now that you are my heart. You are my love. Any shield that Meredith served as must have been cracked. Because – despite everything -- you reclaimed your rightful space in my heart and in my life. You earned back my trust, bit by bit. But to really heal, I needed to let go of Meredith and just deal with all of my emotions about you, Addie.” <br /><br />“So that’s what tonight was about. It was about my decision to stop running and to choose you and love you.”<br /><br />Addison was silent for a minute, and Derek was afraid that he hurt her yet again. Then she turned over in the tub, so they were lying chest to chest and she kissed him until he felt like his heart would explode inside his chest.<br /><br />When their lips finally parted, she said, “I love you, too. . . . And I guess you’re going to get lucky after the Prom after all.”